Playing House
Since moving in with my wonderful boyfriend Giacomo, I have been scratching my domestic itch like never before. Having never really played the role of “housewife” before, I’ve been finding it to be kind of entertaining. When I was living alone, I didn’t really mind if dishes piled up because I knew that eventually I would be the one cleaning them. If I had time to kill, I would just walk out the door into the wonderfully hip neighborhood I lived in and sure enough, there was something to do.
Now, it feels different entirely. Giacomo and I have lived together before, but under very different circumstances, where I was working around the clock, and he had a part time job, so he was totally Mr. Mom (and a great one at that). But NOW he is working quite a bit and I just remember how I felt when I was working so much. The last thing I wanted to deal with when I got home was making dinner or sweeping or even walking the dogs.
Enter me. I’ve been sweeping everyday! And dishes! And laundry! I have taking apart the plumbing under the sink to unclog it (ew), made my own cleaning products, built several pieces of furniture, and been working ruthlessly to stop a running toilet (still no success here…)
I have also made….gulp….a meal plan. This is a biiig step for someone like me who is pretty much terrified of meal plans and the obsessions that they bring. But I did it, and three days into it, I have to say, I love it! I hated trying to think of something to make for dinner every night, and I often ended up buying ingredients we already had, and made the same things over and over again. This week, however, I just sat down and banged out the week’s meals in about 30 minutes, compiled a shopping list, and got all my items. I made sure to not make our meal plan fit any macro ratio criteria. BUT Giacomo has a couple requests for how he needs his meals to be to meet his fitness goals, and I am also gluten free….and did I mention we’re both vegan??? With a plan ahead of time, there is enough structure to not be staring into our pantry for 20 minutes every night, but enough leniency to keep me sane. Me=happy (Giacomo is pretty floored too actually!!!)
Here are some of my kitchen successes!
What was left of our quinoa-chickpea pilaf. Oh my god, this was so good, I couldn’t even believe I made it! And it was simple, and CHEAP.
Gluten free vegan chocolate chip cookies! I made sure to mound these up to make some room for spreading, and then they didn’t spread…at all…hahaha. They look like little spores or something in the cookie jar. Nevertheless, these were drool-worthy.
HOMEMADE PICKLES!!!!! I was most excited about these, having never made pickles before. It was SO easy and they are going to become a regular thing now. The back jar is pickled green beans, cauliflower, and cabbage. EEEEEE!!!
Resentment, Anger, and Forgiveness.
I was an angry kid. This is an understatement. I really hated my family life, and this in turn, led me to doubt the goodness of the world. I pretty much disliked everyone by the time I was 11. I found everyone to be extremely shallow, and uninteresting. I found most people to be uncaring, and I was certainly not about to extend a hand to any of these vapid creatures. As I got a little older, I dressed in all black, specifically to make people not want to come near me, to ensure my solitude. I didn’t encourage rumors that I was a Satanist (back when I thought that being Satanist meant devil-worship), but I didn’t deny them either. Anything to keep people away from me.
Truth was, I was so angry at a very small number of people in my life, I decided to resent everyone. Instead of thinking of ways to let this anger go, I was stewing in it, breeding more anger and giving everyone the big middle finger. In some ways it was cathartic, and I was able to harness my creativity in ways I can no longer do (there is some truth to the tortured artist!), but overall, I was stunting myself. I was getting in my own way. My determination to be a recluse, stopped me from hanging out with the few friends I did have, stopped me from caring about my grades the way I usually did, and ultimately stopped me from putting in the effort to go to a decent college.
All of this because I lived in a a state of resentment. There is a saying that resentment is like taking poison, and waiting for the other person to die. And I believe it’s true, to the umpteenth power. When you are living in a state of anger and resentment, you are allowing toxic feelings to breed inside of you, and maybe even riding the high feelings of power that anger sometimes brings.
When I was 12, I was “lucky” enough to get a restraining order on one member of my family that I was so mad at, and I had it for nearly 4 years, and during those years, I grew up a lot I guess. Because when I finally saw that person again, I saw him in a new light. I saw him from the platform of a strong young woman, not as a scared little girl. And from that place, I was able to find forgiveness. It didn’t happen overnight, it took years, and i still sometimes taste a littler bitterness on occasion towards many people, but overall, I can see from my newer standpoint, that although much of what they did was wrong, I am not angry anymore. In fact, I have sympathy.
This has happened many times in my life, where people I think I can never forgive, eventually become people that I understand. It has made me so much lighter as a person, more open, and accepting. Often after I unveil some horror story of my life, people’s reaction is something along the lines of “well you’re very well adjusted.” I suppose that’s a compliment right? Anyway, I think that the ability to be this well adjusted (and some days it’s better than others), comes from an ability to forgive, and let go.
Here are a couple of things that I have noticed make the forgiveness process, a little less difficult, and don’t kid yourself, it IS difficult:
1. Give Yourself Time No one is saying that you have to forgive someone instantly. It is important to recognize your own feelings of anger, hurt, or whatever you may be feeling. Take as much time as you need. It’s impossible to forgive someone while you’re still in emotional agony, so take your time. I have found that forgiveness is really hard if you have to be in contact with someone while you are trying to get over an incident. Generally speaking, the more hurt you are, the more space you need.
2. Forgiving is NOT Forgetting Finding it in your heart to forgive someone, does NOT mean that what they did is justified. You are not cheapening your feelings by letting your anger go, you are helping YOURSELF to be free of this burden. Forgiving someone also doesn’t mean that you guys are going to go to dinner and be pals. After you forgive someone, boundaries are actually easier to set, because that person has NO power over you anymore. I still carry some painful events around with me, and they affect many things that I do, but now it’s from a place of a lesson learned, rather than a place of hurt.
3. Be That Person Something that really, REALLY helped me to forgive a few key people in my life, was to really imagine being that person. Not just at the moment that they were hurting you, but from their childhood, all the way up (the more you know about someone, the easier this works). When I was just seeing the incident itself, I could in no way find forgiveness, but when I really stepped back and looked at everything that happened in that person’s life up to this point, it made a little more sense. Not that I agree with what they did, but rather it allowed to me to see through their eyes.
4. “Forgiveness is letting go of the idea that the past can ever be different.” Really wrapping my head around this quote alone, has given me a better understanding of what it means to forgive.
So, I moved.
I was going to do a blog about how to live in very small spaces before I moved, but as it turned out, my landlord had rented my studio out about 4 weeks before my move out day! SO I had to hustle my way out of there, which was kind of sad, but I did save about a thousand dollars by doing so. I may still write it anyway because living in such a tiny place was one of the most awesome things I’ve ever done!
I moved in with my lovely boyfriend Giacomo and our 3 wonderful doggies (whom I missed dearly), and immediately got to work on making this….er….bachelor pad (that’s the nicest way to put it), look like a home. There is still much to do, but I am thrilled with the way things are going so far. Before I even moved in, I painted the living room teal (the same color as my studio), and the kitchen a sunshine-y yellow. A huge step up from the muddy brown everything had been before. Then Giacomo and I spent a really fun evening redesigning everything. Like I said, there is still a lot to do, but I am loving it so far (aside from the fact that I am wicked sore).
(have I mentioned that we have too many plants?)
Despite how happy I am about the new digs, I am finding myself becoming more and more frustrated with how much I feel like I am not accomplishing. I feel like I always have so much work to do that sometimes, I just hide from it. The interesting thing is that when I don’t hide from it, when I tackle one thing at a time instead, it’s never really as hard as I imagined it would be….all in my head.
Juggling hooping, jewelry making, and veganproteins.com, kind of makes me feel like I don’t know where to start sometimes. What do you guys do when you feel like you are stuck in a rut? I’m sure I’ll be fine soon. I tend to operate in cycles of hyper productivity, and quiet lulls, so I am sort of used to it, but it’s still a bummer during the lulls.
I suppose I should introduce myself.
In the effort of making blog posts that are helpful to others in some way, I am getting nervous that I am limiting myself in what I can and cannot say. This has led me to not posting as much as I’d like to, and I ask myself why bother trying to keep parts of myself personality private while letting the others shine through. It just seems a little phony to me, and that is not what I want to project at all. I’ve decided to explain little bits of my life to help you get an idea of where I’m coming from. But I’ll start off by telling you what my life is like now. :-)
I am a transplant from Haverhill, Massachusetts currently living in Portland, Oregon. I met my wonderful New Yorker boyfriend while we were both on “Vegan Vacation” in Portland in 2008. We met in July, we moved across the country together in October, and it has been one hell of a ride, for better and for worse.
I currently live alone in a beautiful, tiny, studio apartment, which I will soon be moving out of to move back in with my boyfriend and my puppies. Moving out in the first place was a conscious, though unconventional, decision to give some air to a relationship that was rushed from the get-go. Living alone has giving me the peace of mind, to know that I am on the right path, doing the right things, and basically to say “screw what everyone else thinks”.
I have been a vegetarian since I was ten and a vegan since I was 17, and I absolutely love it. Being a vegan, has introduced me to some of my favorite people in my life. It has allowed me the opportunity to help other people, animals and the environment in ways I don’t know if I could have (or would have) done otherwise.
I am currently working on 3 businesses in the hopes of never working for someone else again. I am a professional hoop dancer, teacher, and maker. Hooping is something that I fell in love with 2 years ago and have never looked back. I also make really unique wire wrapped stone jewelry, which I started making because I wanted something like it, but couldn’t find it anywhere. And I am also a co-owner of Vegan Proteins, which is an online protein supplement store, started by my boyfriend as a fundraiser for the bodybuilding documentary he was in called “Vegan Brothers In Iron”. This has since turned into a full time business, and is definitely the one that keeps us the most busy on a day to day basis.
I am a recovering eating disordered person. Some times I think I’m fully recovered. Sometimes I know I’m not. It’s been an uphill battle, but one that has taught me a lot about myself. It’s kind of a long story.
I am a bit of a loner, a wall flower, a homebody. I’ve been called each of these, and I don’t mind one bit. I like a simple kind of life, and I work really hard to keep unnecessary stuff (i.e. drama, literal things, over-complications, etc) out of my life. I don’t get many thrills out of big social gatherings anymore. My partying days are long over at the ripe old age of 25.
I swear like a sailor, in a Boston kind of way. I CAN’T HELP IT!!! Although I don’t often do this in my writing, so hopefully I wont offend too many.
So that is kind of snapshot of me currently. I feel really really lucky for pretty much everything in my life at this point. It wasn’t always this way however, and I really want to try and dispel any myth that a tiger cannot change their stripes. I have had many people wrongfully assume a lot of things about me and the events in my life that led me to where I am now.
I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I have never been handed anything by anyone, and I am taking a leap with my current lines of work with absolutely no safety net other than the love of my partner. I don’t have any hippie-dippie dreams about everything always being wonderful, and everything good just “manifesting” in my life if I allow it to. I don’t believe in just waiting for good things to happen. I work to make them happen.
I also don’t believe that everything is all doomsday, and that anyone is ever stuck in any situation. If the situation that you’re in sucks more than your fear of changing it—you will change it. I don’t think that anyone is beyond changing their life. Sometimes life hands us a big old ball of suck, for sure. But it’s what you do from there that defines you.
So here’s what I do believe: good things happen, and bad things happen. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Above all however, I believe that you make your own way.
When it Rains…
Let me tell you how hectic the past two weeks have been. Well, very. Everything seems to be coming down at once, and man is it ever frustrating. Between being sick for weeks, my boyfriend being out away for a week which meant managing two households, a slew of surprise bills not rung up by me totalling over 5000 smackers, mold growing in the house, performances, classes, craft shows, and the literal torrential downpour of rain that hasn’t stopped all week…..I have been feeling like I am ready to throw in the towel for a while. You know, just go on auto-pilot and just hope it all goes away.
But when I really stop and consider what a lot of these stressors are, I find that I have very little to be disgruntled about. Here’s why:
Being sick: Although I was sick for about 2 weeks, I was never really down for the count at any point, unlike many people around me who have been completely debilitated for days. All in all, 2 weeks of a headache and a runny nose really aren’t that bad.
Giacomo visiting New York: Although it was stressful at the time, I was able to evaluate his house while I was watching it and make a thorough lists of the repairs I’d like to make when I move in. ALso I got to hang with my doggies and some super cool house guests.
Surprise $5000 in bills: Ok, this sucks. This really, really sucks. But hey! Lesson learned. Do not do monetary favors. Period. The financial risk is bad, but the emotional damage is far worse.
Performance, Classes and Photo Shoots, OH MY!: Really? This is my dream. To be able to do these things on a regular basis. And this is just an adjustment period, and eventually I will be used to it, and be faaaaar less anxious before every single event. :-) I’m sooooo close!
The chaos of falling behind: This is kind of tough, because both Giacomo and myself really like to be on top of what is going in our lives (although we both do this in very different ways). We have a sort of meeting to regroup and re-plan the next 6 months or so this week, which I am VERY much looking forward to.
What this all really comes down to is that sometimes we just have no control over what happens in our lives, and although it often seems like it sucks, there is usually a lesson to be learned, or even something better to arise because of it. I mean, getting laid off from my very well paying job (that I hated) has led me to a place where I can actually go for my dreams! Although I definitely threw myself a pity party for a day or so, and sat on my couch and though about how much everything sucked, and cried, and watched mindless tv so I could stop thinking, that is all I allowed myself. A day. That day allowed for a lot of crummy emotions to run their course, which I think is important, and now I can go-get-em-tiger again.
SO blah, blah, blah. Every cloud has a silver lining. And Portland’s got plenty of clouds to go around.
I haven’t washed my hair in three months…
And I have a lot of hair. Now before you lump me into the dirty hippie category, let me clarify (no pun intended). I grew up washing my hair every single night, since as far back as I can remember. By the time I was in middle school, I realized, I had oily hair (and skin, but we’ll cover than another day). My solution to my greasy locks was to wash it more, condition it less, and even to sprinkle baby powder in it on certain days. But I was 14, so cut me a little slack. I’m sure you can imagine, this did not make my hair any healthier. Although many people suggested chopping off my 3 feet of hair, that wasn’t an option for me. I come from a family that prides ourselves on our long hair. It’s not a vanity thing so much as something that we all have, and have had for a long time. My mother, aunt, cousins all have similar long tresses. 
The telltale long hair of the women in my family.
Over the past several years I have learned a lot about the dangerous toxic materials in many bath and body products, and have been using vegan and natural shampoos and conditioners for about 6 years now. Natural and vegan shampoo and conditioner can be quite expensive, especially if you want something that doesn’t dry your hair out like crazy….oh and if you have waist length hair, there’s no way of getting around the amount of product you’ll go through.
To combat the costs, I started washing my hair less and less frequently. I found that I could go about 5 days in between washes, I made sure to brush it well with a good brush every day, which spreads the oils (also called sebum) from the roots to the ends. And wouldn’t you know it my hair was healthier and LESS oily than before.
This happens because each time you shampoo your hair, you strip it of it’s natural oils, and your oil glands, then go into overdrive to recreate the sebum that you just washed away! The more you wash your hair, the quicker it becomes oily again! I suggest gradually cutting back how frequently you wash your hair first, or else, you’ll end up with a greasy mess on your head that will drive you nuts and eventually you WILL give in and wash it.
Scary ingredient list of Garnier…
So what have I been doing with my hair? I stumbled across this method called “No-Poo”, as in no shampoo….what a terrible name, I know. Anyway, it is fairly popular, so this is by no means my own idea. The method is basically “washing” your hair with a baking soda and water solution, and rinsing it with and apple cider vinegar solution. The ratio is about 2-3 tsp of baking soda in a cup of water, or if you have super long hair like mine use 2-4 tsp baking soda in 2+ cups of water. It’s good to keep a glass jar in the shower for these solutions. You pour the baking soda mixture all over your already wet scalp, and scrub scrub scrub with your fingertips. Make sure that you flip your head over and get the hair around the nape of your neck really well too. It won’t lather obviously, and it will feel a little slippery, and you may feel like you’re not doing much, but you ARE! Then rinse it very well. *DO NOT make the mistake I did: more hair does NOT mean to use more baking soda, this will give you a very itchy, dry scalp!
Make sure you get your proportions down.
The next step is to make a solution of 1 TBL apple cider vinegar to 1 cup of water, or 2 TBL apple cider vinegar to 2 cups of water. Ring you rhair out to get out any excess water, then pour this mixture over your head, paying close attention to the ends (Be careful of your eyes!), and let it sit for 2 minutes or so before rinsing it out very well. If you cant stand the smell, add a few drops of your favorite essential oil. After you rinse the smell will be gone as soon as it dries. Apple cider vinegar also really helps to bring out red highlights in hair. If you’re looking for blonde highlights, substitute lemon juice for apple cider vinegar.
Apple cider vinegar, has about a million awesome uses. This is my favorite brand.
I do this about once every 4-5 days, and with the exception of one time when I don’t think I rinsed the baking soda out well enough, it has been awesome. My hair looks and feels just as nice as it did with conventional, costly shampoos, and I get to feel like a mad scientist in the shower. ;-) People don’t believe me when I say that I haven’t traditionally washed my hair in three months, but I say give it a try, you may be surprised.
Transitioning to this can be hard for some I’ve heard. People are so used to this “squeaky clean” feeling (which is actually residues left behind by your shampoo), that anything but that freaks them out and makes them feel gross. I have a couple of ways that I deal with this feeling:
1. A pony tail always works. I’m not a big fan of ponytails, but in a pinch they’ll relieve the gross feeling.
2. I am much more a fan of braids. If my hair is feeling at all oily, I will put it in a french braid. The oil actually makes the braid look better! AND, when you take it out the next morning, they will be beautiful waves.
3. If all else fails, make your hair super messy, throw some colorful extensions in it, and pretend you’re a rockstar. :-)
The colors are just extensions. Sometimes messy looking hair is exactly what you need. :-)
A week of new projects!
As most of you know, I make jewelry out of rocks and wire. I love doing it, but winter seems to make even the most enjoyable of tasks tedious at times, and I sometimes find myself in a non-creative rut. I make pendants mostly and have messed around with making earrings too, which I’m sure I’ll expand on later, as it was a lot of fun. I can tell when I need something new to restart my motor sometimes.
This week, however, I have two friends who have asked me to try things I never have before. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of faith some people have in me. It’s extremely flattering and humbling all at once. One of my best friends since I was about 12 years old, finally checked out my Etsy store and my Facebook page and was really surprised by the pictures and started telling me that I “NEED to go to Camp Bisco and other music festivals, because [I] will make BANK!”, which is always nice to hear. I don’t think I can justify a cross country trip to a music festival to sell jewelry, but it sure sounds like a blast, and is something I am going to keep in mind.
She also asked me if I could make her a pendant with two stones! Ooooooo! I have seen some other BEAUTIFUL wire wrapping work that people have done with multiple stones, and honestly it looks so complicated that I had never even attempted it. Well, it IS that complicated, but I kept trying and went through about an entire spool of wire before coming up with this:
It’s not perfect, but I think it is exactly what she wanted (she picked the stones and wire color)….or at least I hope it is. This girl always loved to challenge me. Haha. Well, she did, and I thank her for it.
Earlier this week, I bumped into a friend of mine as I was leaving a photo shoot for my hula hooping job (photos to come soon! haha! my life sounds so glamorous….it’s really not) and she had a lovely labradorite pendant on. Labradorite is my all time favorite stone, so we started talking about it and I told her how I wire wrap stones all the time, and she asked me if I could make her a labradorite BELLY BUTTON RING!!! WHAT!? I know! So I just bought the stone and the plain ring today, and cannot wait to start making it for her! I won’t really have an idea of what it will look like until I get the stone, but I think this is going to be a really fun project, that could be something that I do from now on. I searched for something similar and only saw one other person making them (and they are beautiful!), so maybe this is something I can perfect.
The one on the left is the belly button ring stone. Mmmmm. Labradorite!
And the last news, is that I finally took the plunge and applied for my first craft fair!!! I have done fairs with my hula hoops, and veg fests for Vegan Proteins, but have never done a craft fair with my jewelry. I am a little afraid of getting rejected, but hopefully I wont happen, since the show is called “The Crafty Underdog”, hopefully they’ll give me a chance. I think being accepted would give me so much motivation to make a zillion pieces! And I would love to get my first show under my belt. Now if only I could get this motivated about the photography aspect. Well, we can’t ask for miracles.
